Overheard: I Love Fat Girls

During and post Vegas...

Me: I have this thing for dancing fat girls. Every time I see one in the club I have to go dance with her.
Everyone I talk to: You have a problem.
Me: (thinks to self) Jealous.

Teacher Props and Job Woes

Mo money mo problems, eh?

So it feels great to be employed after months of agonizing job hunting and to see my bank account stop its bleeding at last. (And to be able to start paying my student loans again.)

But I'd forgotten about the stresses that come with working! sigh.

You know those large companies that have their stuff together, give great benefits, and run like a well-oiled machine? Yeah, I dream about those too.

There's some bizarre-o work drama this week that I can't detail here so I'll just say
AAAAAAAAARRGGGGGGGGGGGGH

My thing is that I take things way to heart. Every stress makes me unable to sleep or unclench my shoulders, resulting in marathon week-long headaches.

I've isolated it to the familiar culprits:

1) I care too much what people think
2) I take jobs waaaay too seriously

I often retain the naive tendency to believe that businesses actually care about the individual worker, only to be reminded over and over that they care about the bottom line, not you, silly number employee. Ah administrations, how I love them.

Now I Get It

Teaching teenagers all day is about the most tiring thing I've ever experienced - and I've experienced 8 hour dance rehearsals. At least you get breaks with rehearsal.

So here's props to all the high school teachers out there, especially the ones with bratty, spoiled, and otherwise insolent kids. I feel you.

Cracking the SAT's with...Twilight?!?

Why didn't I think of this?!?


Some genius jerk wrote Defining Twilight: Vocabulary Workbook for Unlocking the SAT, ACT, GED, and SSAT and one for New Moon, too.

From his website:

Can you resist the allure of Edward’s myriad charms—his ochre eyes and tousled hair, the cadence of his speech, his chiseled alabaster skin, and his gratuitous charm? Will you hunt surreptitiously and tolerate the ceaseless deluge in Forks to evade the sun and uphold the facade? Join Edward and Bella as you learn more than 600 vocabulary words to improve your score on the *SAT, ACT®, GED®, and SSAT® exams!

I started fuming jealously and then realized this was ridiculous.

Siegfried and Roy

Jifo and I are fostering these two stinky black pugs named Siegfried and Roy (we did not do this), who have severe underbites and leave eye boogers all over my skin and clothes whenever I go near them. How far we go to save dogs.

Roy, the one with the skin condition (it's patchy and sad)

Now that I have your attention - if you've got a dollar or two to spare, please consider giving it to "The Muppets" - a trio of three drowned rat terrier-like fuzzy dogs who need tons of medical treatment.

I Sing on the Radio Tonight

*Update: the song was Doomed Cool, which I did not write, and can be heard in the archives - we go on first!*

So apparently I'm going to be on internet radio tonight.

L.S. passed me a Tweet from Cynthia Paulson (@CynLuscious) who will be playing a song that I either wrote and/or sang on with Hepnova a couple years ago.

6 P.M. Pacific
WomenRockRadio

Unfortunately, I have no idea what song they're playing. So I'm slightly, as in downright, terrified.

This is the paradox I faced for years when I was an active playwright. I had two things going for me as a youth: prolific output and guts. I wrote a lot and I put stuff out there. And people would pick it up - my plays would get produced or workshopped; I got invited to participate in the Play-A-Thon, where I wrote an under 10-minute play in 1 week, using 2 characters and 3 props that I pulled out of a hat on the first day. (That was my debut as a butch dyke on stage - so convincing that no one recognized me after I changed back into my femme clothes for the bow.)

Unfortunately, the problem with youth is that the work an artist produces at a young age is not always great. So I had plays read that I now cringe when I think about. (It's probably my internal critic berating me and they might not have actually been that bad.)

However. My singing has, without a doubt, improved by millionfold. Let me put it this way:

When I first wrote for and recorded with Hepnova, I was an alto. Now I'm a soprano.

My upper range is completely opened, my belt and mix range is higher than I ever imagined and I can switch from jazz broadway to legit to bel canto on command - with the proper placement.
I couldn't do that before.

So it is with great trepidation that I tune in in half an hour to see if the world is going to hear a novice singing a song written in 2 days. Oh lawdy.

Wish I Stayed In Vegas

At the Venetian


Molesting a Blue Man with Luv


At the XS nightclub right before the Chicago party girls pulled me to the pool platform to dance.

It Never Happened In Vegas

Now that everyone on the internet knows who I am and half the people in real life know about my blog, I present for you a brief account of Vegas that neither confirms nor denies that following occurred...

Hugging a Blue Man Group member

Asking the older gay black guy next to us at the Wynn buffet if he could explain to my friend what "fierce" was, as I held up a photo of Beyonce. (He nodded and giggled charmingly.)

Getting photographed in fake lesbian positions with crazy party girls from Chicago

Throwing my back out having a dance-off with breakers...again

If you're my boss, none of these happened. I spent the weekend at the Clark County senior center singing to elderly ladies and freshening up their rooms. I got plenty of sleep and didn't crawl into bed at 6 in the morning.

For the rest - I am so crashing from my high this weekend! I partied like it was 1999 and didn't have joint issues.