Why I'm Not a Christian (Right Now)

Happybear, the girl who introduced me to the Exodus, once paid me the biggest compliment. She said,

You're more Christian than some of the Christians I know.

I believe she was referring to certain values I hold. I like to think it also indicates a certain level of authenticity with which I live my life and my acceptance of the multiplicity of being. This last value, which just means, "cool with all kinds", is also the biggest reason I cannot call myself a Christian.

In short: I find it simply impossible to say that there is only "one real truth" and that all other beliefs are wrong.

It works for Christians to accept Jesus as their one true savior, or however the vow goes. I completely support their unified theory of the universe (science has not the monopoly, eh?) and I believe and see the way it works for them.

It is not my way. It is, and I say this nonjudgmentally, too narrow minded a way for me to be.

It also does not fit the fractured reality of my existence. On my private blog I write much about liminality, the state of being that exists outside the comfort of normalcy, a state of being in between or in the margins, of straddling several identities and ways of seeing at once and yet not fully belonging in any. My particular liminality derives from my embodied experience as a multiple minority or oppressed identity in terms of race/ethnicity/gender/sexuality/culture/personality.

In another sense, liminality knows no limits. I pray with the Exodus and that is whole. I practice mindfulness in a Westernized version of Buddhism and I come to peace. I perform a Goddess reading and the truth comes to me from the Divine.

I want to love God. But does God include incarnations as Hecate, Kali, or Mother Demeter?

I fear fully joining a church and fully revealing myself. I imagine (however irrationally or justified) that after the warmth of worship has faded, the rest of the parishioners see me as a heathen in the end. (This fear is amplified particularly when it comes to clique-y Asian churches. Let's not front now. We aren't just Gossip Girl, we're Gossip Nation.)

I know, I know. There is a congregation out there that seems to suit my perspectives completely. Unitarian Universalism. And I can jive with their credo for the most part. But let's speak the fact again: they're mostly white. And this clique-y Asian wants to play sticky rice.

So there it is. My confession for the day (does this count as my foray into Catholicism?)

I believe in pluralism. I believe in every truth being true. And as long as Christianity cannot accept that, it cannot accept me.