I'm Here

It's been a week since I crash landed back on the East Coast.

I'm ashamed to say it. I miss Cali.

sigh. Yup, it's happened. My brain must be fried like a crisp squash blossom. I actually wish I was back out there in the 90 degree smog, rather than here in the rainy, PMS-weather smog. I wish I could get into my trusty Subie and drive somewhere to get lunch, rather than sitting here trying to convince my flabby butt to walk out in the cold drizzle and feed itself.

At least my internet finally arrived.

I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say here anymore - apparently, journalists aren't allowed to speak their personal opinions in a public forum. Though this blog is "anonymous", pretty much everybody knows who I am. So I, and other bloggers at my school, have to check with the Dean to figure out how and what we can blog.

I also have to create a public facebook cuz all the 22-year-olds in my class are bugging me to join. I don't know what I'll do with 2 facebook accounts being that I already hate having one.

Anyway, I'm here and I'm bored so if you're in NY, email, comment, call, text me and let's meet up!

Blame Time Warner

for why I haven't blogged.

This frontrunner for Worst Cable Company 2000-2010 pulled a no-show on my internet installation. I spent an hour+ on the phone (20 of those minutes in the Indian Subcontinent, where a poor underpaid brown brother heard a screaming 52 Faces) either on hold or conveniently dropped calls.

Then I got to put into practice my new boundaries with my father when I made the mistake of thinking I could actually vent to him.

The man managed to parlay cable company woes into a criticism of my horrible qualities, of which, according to him, there are many.

I promptly said, "It's been great talking to you, I'll speak with you Saturday."

Did I mention I have 9-10 hours of orientation every day 45 minutes away? Yeah, that worse than a full-time job grad school has started with boot camp style "orientation". (Since when was orientation mandatory?)

So I'm still internet free (you don't want to know how I'm blogging right now) and barely moved in.

See you this weekend (yeah right) when Time Warner gets a chance to actually show up and do their job like a real company.

Sucker Speak

Over Souplantation lunch in Arcadia...

Me: Ever since my Saturn returned, my metabolism has been more stable! Turning [an old old age not yet 30] isn't so bad after all.

[the already past 30] Selena: Ha! That's sucker talk right there!

Me: Dammit! I fell for it! I'm going to turn 30 one day, aren't I?

Perseids: The Universe Loves Me

Seriously. How many people get a meteor shower every year for their birthday?

(If so - happy birthday!)

I always feel like an interstellar rock star when the Perseids shower. (And boy do they smell good afterwards!) (collective groan anyone?)

Tonight's the last chance to see them in full, flaming glory, just the way I like my 'mo's and comets.

So find a dark spot, lay down, and celebrate my birthday with the cosmos. It's supposed to have extra jazz hands this year, due to "a gravitational boost from Saturn," says National Geographic. And we all know what Saturn's doing to me right now...

Saturn Lessons: Happy Birthday to Me

*Don't forget to watch the Perseid meteor shower tonight - the Universe's annual gift for my bday*

Birthday week is in full swing!

My Saturn is just about to click into the place in the sky where it was when I was born. It's so close I can feel it.

I'm feeling a crazy peace, which I'm attributing to getting older (because I'm scared it could be the calm before the storm. :P)

Bday week kicked off with a pink-moustached bowling bash last week that surprised me by turning into one of the most fun birthdays I remember.


There I learned Saturn Lesson #1:

Instead of 800 acquaintances, I have a few solid, wonderful friends and chosen family members.

That is exactly what I have wanted.

Saturn Lesson #2:

Getting older really is more relaxing.

I'm yet to cross the 30's threshold, an act that used to terrify me. I always looked dubiously at the women who went on and on about how 30 is so awesome, convinced it was part of the trick they used to sucker you into turning 30 along with them, so they wouldn't feel saggy and old by themselves.

(Selena and Jifo --> SUCKERS!)

But I admit, I'm getting quite ready to leave the sh*teous 20's behind. Sure, my body was hot, but at this point I'll take this increasingly lowering rear end in exchange for finally calming down.

Which brings us to...

Saturn Lesson #3:

I'm not as hot as I used to be...and I care less.

Yes, I wish I still had that flat tummy that looked so good on my 25-year-old bod. My ass is a bit of a disgrace for a former dancer (how does a butt spread so low and wide in such short time???).

But...oh well! I'm too busy. I'll fix that butt later, when I have some more money.

Looking forward to what other lessons Saturn teaches...

That's Not a Vampire...

"...some actor douchebag with big hair..."

Twilight: the New Feminism

This is how you make a unicorn...

Me: Did you read the post I sent you about the virtual "stripper" the TwiMom's had in a chat room?
Jifo: No!
Me: Why not?!
Jifo: I was at work! I saw "stripper" and I went >click< [closed]. How was I to know if you were sending me some lemony Edward porn?
Me: I would never do that. I'm Team Jacob.

The boy knows "lemony Edward porn!" Ladies, are your men as well trained?

Me: Twilight has singlehandedly revolutionized women's sexuality.
Jifo: WHAT?!
Me: We're finally doing what men have been doing since the (breaking) dawn of time - ogling underaged meat!
Jifo: Good point. ::nodding in complete agreement and pledging his allegiance to Team Jacob::

Something like that.

Genudeflect

2 years ago today, I proved my geektasticity by submitting my first word ever to Verbotomy, the internet Balderdash - and won!

My word was

genudeflect

which means: to reject a compliment.

Verbotomy is great for other wordheads like me - they provide a definition, you provide the word (plus the root, if you're that into it.) (and I am)

Now 'n' Laters to My Biggest Regret

Your questions + I got tagged = Completed Meme!

I love getting tagged - thank you Sandi over at Pregnant with Cancer :)

1. Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random and/or revealing things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your post entry is up on your site.

My Random Six:

1) I used to know German to the point where I could hold a simple conversation or translate lyrics to "Closing Time" by Semisonic (don't ask). German is one of the most useful languages for someone who appreciates any country in Scandinavia or northern Europe (like Holland). Yeah. That would be me.

Questions from Madge:

2) Favorite candy when you were a kid?

Now 'n' Later - green apple or cherry

3) First movie you saw in the theater?

Probably Snow White at the age of 3, which my parents had to remove me from because I was terrified of the dark. And that was a darn scary film for a toddler.

4) Weirdest name you've ever given a pet?

I had an opposite fetish - I liked giving my pets extremely plain names that described what they were. My black and brown gerbils were, straightforwardly, Blackie and Brownie. My guinea pig was Genevieve, Ginny for short. My snake fish, my favorite out of 18 fish, was called Snakey. And my ferret was called...Cory. Short for Coriander. Okay I got out of that fetish eventually.

And a whopper of a question from followthatdog:

5) What's your biggest regret?

Not taking advantage of Harvard enough. I wish my mother had let me take time off when I needed it so I could regroup and decide what it was I really wanted to major in. (Now I'm stuck with the world's most useless sounding major and one that doesn't fit my political leanings anymore. Yup, Women's Studies.) (I know, you were thinking Phys Ed.)

I wish I had made better connections there (instead of spending all my time being a raging feminist and hating all the now-extremely-rich guys), which would have helped me more during my lonely Hollywood years.

I wish I had taken just a little bit more of the billions of Harvard dollars in funding and travel grants. I wish I had done internships and mock interviews at the Office of Career Services (we have no idea why it's called that awkward name either), so I could've been employable earlier. I wish I had spoken with alumni sooner, because now it's embarrassing and they all look at me with pity and the inability to help me.

When I see all my engaged or married fellow alum who live in amazing homes overlooking varieties of water and are actually published writers with husbands who make enough to support them, I can't help but think that they did it right and I missed the boat. (see above parenthetical on Destruction of Dating Life, Feminism And)

Hm. I'm starting to get the sense that what I should regret is discovering feminism? :P It sure doesn't pay the bills, I can tell ya that!

So...if I mentioned you because you asked a question - you're now tagged. Anyone else who wants to participate, just comment below so we can get a link to you! And of course Selena is tagged to answer in the comments.

Happy Friendship Day

As you know, Selena and I are so gay for each other we started a blog called, um Gay For. The latest thing she did was leave me a sweet note about my rapist wit. Um, read it and you'll get it.

Who's your Lesbro? If you tell Skirt about it, you might win tickets to take her out to the movies!