Why am I sneezing?
Because I'm wearing jeans I pulled from storage that I stopped fitting into 3 years ago.
As you know, I used to be a skinny little actor and dancer. I ate like a cow and exercised only sporadically (when I wasn't dancing) due to repetitive injuries on my joints. Apparently, that metabolism doesn't stay with women our whole lives...who knew...
The second I left the entertainment industry and started grad school + a corporate job, I gained like nobody's business.
Okay, maybe not the second. I was still thinny-thin for about a year before the desk job and bad vegan nutrition (stupid hippie grad school) caught up to me. But it felt like one day I just stopped fitting into any of my pants and I had to buy a whole new wardrobe.
I started developing an intense body image issue. There was literally a voice in my head that said non-stop "You're so fat." I knew I wasn't so fat, but my old Hollywood-era photos begged to differ.
I berated myself all day long, every day for THREE YEARS.
I started to hate my photos. Seemed I couldn't take a single shot without a double chin. I kept a roomful of all these cute pants I bought 5 years ago because I couldn't bear to accept my weight gain.
What finally drove me over the edge was my former best friend. She gave me a really good parting gift - she lost a ton of weight really quickly.
Now don't front like you don't compare yourself to your galpals! There's nothing more motivating than seeing your bff of 10 years become the skinny bitch you used to be. (And that her ex called me fat, but that's another story of why some men are a-holes. He literally asked me if I was pregnant once.)
So I started the Skinny Bitch Club. Me and 2 co-workers who could make a Benetton ad (the chinky me, the BKG = Big Korean Girl, and the one black chick at my Asian company) decided that we too wanted the ultimate compliment:
To be hated for being skinny.
I almost can't believe it actually worked, and my sense of willpower since turning 30 has amazed me.
Today I pulled out all the pants that I threw into our dusty storage room and tried them on. I fit into all of them. I repeat: pants that I outgrew THREE YEARS AGO fit again. I was so excited I actually called Jifo at work.
So I'm writing this - possibly my most obnoxious post ever - to invite my bloggy pals to join the Skinny Bitch Club. It's not instantaneous, but neither was the gain. And just like the day my pants felt too tight, one day - yesterday actually - I noticed that my work trousers were a little loose.
In the words of my guy friend who tried to boost my self-esteem:
"Does she look like a bitch because she's so skinny? Yes, she looks like a bitch."
You too, can look like a bitch. A skinny bitch.
Got a Skinny Bitch story to share? I will feature you!
**This post is dedicated to my former best friend, who I miss very much.**