I Beat You! Take My Clothes

Jifo and I hosted a board game and clothing swap potluck at "the manse" last night. The girls picked over each others' too small clothes (damn that skinny girl who grabbed the pink corduroys while I was playing hostess!) and walked off with bags of new old threads.

We ate an inordinate amount of chow mein (what part of "everyone bring something NOT on the list already" didn't the guests understand?)

Then the games began...


Clearly our team won. That photo is probably me rubbing it in Jifo's team's face.

I never knew I could draw California so well with my eyes closed.

We had only one obnoxious and rude guest out of 25, which are good odds if you ask me!

Next up is planning for our trip to the Motherland. Jifo still needs to get his passport (don't fret, the federal building will have it on Tuesday...I hope.)

I discovered an Asian online clothing store today and realized - soon enough I can buy these cute clothes in person! I cannot WAIT to shop in a place where the styles are different and actually fit me.

Oh wait, with what money? A hahahaha....::cries::

If I Were a Dolphin...

I found this on some blog so long ago that I forgot which one it was, only that it was run by the hippiest white girl ever and had something to do with the moon. It's ubiquitous enough that I feel comfortable posting it as a meme to steal!
The car one is most fun when you ask your resident wheel-lover. Mine would be my boyfriend.

• If I were a month, I’d be July
• If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday night
• If I were a time of day, I’d be midnight
  
• If I were a planet, I’d be Venus
  
• If I were a sea animal, I’d be a Dolphin
• If I were a direction, I’d be a line southwest to northeast
  
• If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a very short halogen lamp
• If I were a historical figure, I’d be Marlene Dietrich, the original Madonna
• If I were a liquid, I’d be expensive, chi-chi oxygen water
  
• If I were a gemstone, I’d be diamond or sardonyx
  sardonyx photo from here
  
  
  
• If I were a tree, I’d be a wild mango tree
  
• If I were a tool, I’d be a short, stocky frat boy
• If I were a flower, I’d be a tiny, very red rose
  
• If I were a kind of weather, I’d be full sunlight on a clear day over the Amazon
  
• If I were a musical instrument, I’d be an upright piano
  
• If I were a colour, I’d be red
• If I were an emotion, I’d be a pendulum between excitement and procrastination
  
• If I were a fruit, I’d be a Red Delicious apple
  
• If I were a sound, I’d be a soprano soloist (except in the mornings - Kraken)
  
• If I were an element, I’d be Au
  
• If I were a car, I’d be a SEE BELOW...
  
• If I were a food, I’d be a sliver of foie gras on mini-toast with quince paste
  
• If I were a place, I’d be a small park by the beach to the side of New York City
  
• If I were a material, I’d be Supima cotton
  
• If I were a taste, I’d be ginger
  
• If I were a scent, I’d be grapefruit
  
• If I were an object, I’d be a fluffy pink hugging pillow
  
• If I were a body part, I’d be an eyeball. Just one giant eyeball.
  
• If I were a facial expression, I’d be an open-mouthed laugh
  
• If I were a song, I’d be Glamorous by Fergie
  
• If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be bare feet

Jifo says I'm a Honda S2000

Because "You have a really high RPM that just screams and screams, and just when you think it can't get any louder, it goes 300 more RPM. Plus the back wiggles a bit and sometimes...you like to have your top down."

Kitty Killer: A Conversation with Author Angela Choi, Part Two

Part Two of my conversation with author Angela Choi about her debut novel, Hello Kitty Must Die. (Catch Part One)

The book opens with Fiona Yu taking her own virginity with a dildo. As you can imagine, I wanted to know what Angela's Cantonese parents thought about that...

***

Dildo virginity loss. Where from?!?
Angela: Oh, from a friend who told me I had to start with a "bang." I let him read my first novel, SHROUD FOR A PAINTED BEAUTY, a cozy mystery which started off with a woman choosing a dress for a party. He said it was boring and that agents wouldn't look twice. So I let my mind fall into the gutter.

That is the awesomest story.
Angela: Isn't it? He kept saying "bang, Angela, bang." And I said, "I'll give you bang." Sure banged it.

See I can hear Fi in you, or rather you in Fi, the whole time I was reading it. Did you just let her voice fall out of your head?
Angela: Something like that. I kept thinking of an Asian Marla Singer

Ah, and there's another Fight Club reference.
Angela: It's a funny movie. Just needed a couple of more corpses to make it perfect.

In Defense of Asian Men

Now, everyone in the novel except Fi and Sean seem to have bought into the Matrix. But the Asian guys she dates, whom you've elucidated in more detail, come across as particularly oafish, asleep, or just plain retarded. What gives? I happen to know you have Asian guy friends - they can't all be that bad?
Angela: Oh, I have lots of Asian guy friends. And no, they are not bad at all. Very nice indeed. But I never had to date them. I think I turn them into oafs when I go out with them. :)

How so?
Angela: I don't know. I go out with them and they turn retarded. Maybe it's me. LOL

That whole Asian momma's boy-easily-intimidated-by-strong-women syndrome?
Angela: Maybe it's the holy-shit-this-is-not-your-typical-Asian-girl-thing.

Is Sean being white purposeful?
Angela: Yes and no. Sean is based on a real life friend of mine. And he's white and nutty (but in a good way). That and there are very few Asian male serial killers.

How does your "Sean" friend feel about his character?
Angela: He loves it. He thinks it's awesome. He's a punk rocker.

What do your parents think about the book?
Angela: They can't read English. So they just think it's nice that it has a pink cover on it.

hahahahahaahaha
Angela: Yup.

Are you relieved? Or rather - did that help you be more free in writing it?
Angela: Not really. I wish they could read it. Well, when I'm writing, I don't think about who reads it. Maybe I should because I scared off a couple of big publishers.

The Road to Perdition Publication

How long did it take to 1) get an agent 2) sell the book?
Angela: It took about two weeks to get my first agent. Then she dropped me after she helped me polish it up. Then it took another 2 weeks to sign up with Josh Getzler at Writers House. Josh was great. He went to 31 editors for me and the book finally sold in March 2009. About 3 months. It was quick. But the book took 31 years to live.

I love Writer's House
Angela: Writers House is fantastic.

Have you visited? It's adorable
Angela: Nope. Never been down its hallowed halls. Josh is now at Russell & Volkening.

Gotcha - and you stayed with him?
Angela: Sure, he's fabulous. He has a great eye for a good book. Great literary judgment. And he works tirelessly to sell a very good book.
That's all we can ask for in an agent.
Angela: And more.

How many novels did you write before you hit on Kitty?
Angela: One. SHROUD FOR A PAINTED BEAUTY. It was a cozy mystery a la Agatha Christie style. No takers.

me: How long did you query it before giving up?
Angela: About a month, but I sent it to about 50 agents. But it had lots of problems, one being, it was boring. So I decided the next one had to be anything but boring.

Thank YOU for (g)chatting with me and the readers. I could sit here and ask you questions for hours but then it would be a book.
Angela: Wonderful. Then you could publish that!

"Conversations Between Two Kitty Killers"
Angela: There you go.

***

Big thanks to Angela Choi for a signed copy of Hello Kitty Must Die and for sharing her experience and insights with us!

Afghanistan Goes Gaga

The first openly gay tribute in the military...

Instead of "don't ask, don't tell," it became "show, don't tell." (It gets REALLY tranny hot during the Beyonce breakdown.)